let’s try to make a resolution

here i am today to give you a difficult task: make a resolution. “oh, this is so easy, i need to lose weight. i will eat more green foods,” you say. yeah, right. like you’re going to keep that. okay, maybe if green sour patch kids count as a green food you’ll keep it, but most likely, you will keep on acting like brussel sprouts never existed (they shouldn’t have).

but this year, i want to keep a resolution or two. so here are some of my new year’s resolutions:

1. do one nice thing a day–and no, i don’t mean stopping at a crosswalk. it’s not as hard as it looks, either. tell the stranger on the bus that you like her shoes (don’t do it in a creepy way though). or tell the intern she’s doing a good job. it takes a whole 30 seconds of your life to make someone feel more confident. extra points if you tell someone who wouldn’t expect it from you. recently, in the world you adults call high school (i just call it the homeland of people-who-can’t-think-of-anything-but-themselves), a, let us say more popular girl, told me she liked my dress. i honestly don’t care how popular i am and i definitely don’t want to be her friend, but it was really nice and i don’t even think she was pulling a regina george.

2. purge your house–over the span of the year, try to get rid of that super awesome hat that came from a bar mitzvah all those years ago. you say you’re holding on to it because you want to remember the event? yes, i’m sure the dusty hat that doesn’t leave its home in the back of your closet will be super important. instead, save the pictures and organize them into a scrapbook.

3. put a ring on it–this is the expression i like to use. as beyonce sings, “if you liked it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.” and then she does some fabulous dance moves. back to the lyrics. if you have a dream, don’t go around saying you have the dream, actually do it. it may take a while, but you need to start working to your goals in small steps. usually what happens along the way ends up being more important than your end goal. so make it final. actually act on your words.

4. don’t be a doormat–my very favorite actress jennifer lawrence recently said her new year’s resolution is, “to stand up for myself. it’s hard for me. nobody wants to be disliked. you always want to be polite and be nice. i tried to find a balance in saying what i mean and still being nice. i can’t do it. i have this ‘okay’ attitude and everything. i end up allowing myself to get walked over and resenting it.” maybe that’s a good resolution for all of us. voice your opinion. obviously some things are better left unsaid, but when your hairdresser asks you if you like your hair and you’re like ‘uh-huh’, i know inside your secretly like ‘oh, god, this is terrible.’ so this time, SPEAK UP! i know it’s a little scary and daunting, but in the end, you end up with an even more fabulous haircut. and what gives you better confidence than that??

5. value what you have–i am blessed with a nice home, clean clothes, and health. and sometimes i forget about that. so as the new year starts, i don’t want to only be wishing for what i want, but i want to go into the year appreciating all that i already have. so as that big ball drops in time square, let your worries drop with it. this is a new year, a blank slate, and a refresher.

did you notice what i did in this? i said these are my resolutions, but i was talking to you as if they’re yours. because i didn’t put a copyright on these, so you should use them too. make the world a better place a little bit at a time. i hope you all have a healthy, happy new year. and i hope you have some fun accessories to wear for our entrance into 2013. here’s a tip: wear the glasses, even if you look stupid. because guess what? you’ll only have this new year’s once, so you better take advantage of it!

ps–sorry if i got a little preacher-y on you. regular programming of sarcasm comes back a few days after the holidays.




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